I received a note from Craig Kinney, ASM in Ohio suggesting that I discuss contractors in my sales report this week. Since I’m always willing to accommodate any request written on the back of a twenty-dollar bill, this one’s for you Craig.

The Grand Canyon

I’ve always admired contractors because they can do so many things that I can’t. Mainly they can build and fix stuff without putting anyone’s eye out. When I pick up a hand tool, there’s about a 50-50 chance that someone’s going to get hurt. Every trip to The Home Depot is simply another painful reminder that I am woefully inept when it comes to building, mending, repairing, hammering and screwing.

Well, inept in most of those things anyway.

The contractors I admire most are electricians. Let’s face it; the worst painting contractor just makes a big mess. But a really bad electrician can shut down a whole city and end up looking like Don King (the boxing promoter) in the process.

There’s an air of danger around electricians that isn’t often experienced by a Yellow Pages guy like me. Electricians are like the blue-collar “top gun” pilots. Truth be told, when it comes down to being “chick magnets”, electricians have a serious advantage over plumbers.

I would like to have been an electrician, but it probably would have been a disaster. Ben Franklin could fly a kite in a thunderstorm without so much as a scratch. But let me try to jump start a car, and it’s like the Fourth of July under the hood. If I were an electrician, my klutziness would likely be responsible for more electrocutions than the current Governor of Texas.

Other than my own mechanical ineptitude, there is another major reason that I didn’t become an electrician.

I could never master the art of the butt crack. I tried doing it correctly. Honest, I did.

Oh it looks simple enough. You loosen your belt, swivel your hips and let your pants slide down to that magic spot. “Voila!” you’re proudly displaying 3 to 4 inches of Florida Ballot Box. My problem is that my butt is too flat and my pants fall all the way down. Instead of serving up the north rim of the Grand Canyon, I end up with the moons of Jupiter orbiting Uranus.

Not a good situation. In fact, it’s a violation of the union rules. I knew there had to be a solution.

To get to the heart of the problem, I called Ron Borden, Jr. president of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers and asked for his guidance on butt crack etiquette. I wanted to know if they recruited new union members that were predisposed to butt crack display, or if it was something that could be trained through apprenticeship. I figured that if he didn’t know the answer, he should at least be able to ask one of his journeymen butt crack artistes.

He gave me plenty of advice. Oh my, lots of advice.

I can’t really repeat his exact suggestion here in mixed company, but suffice it to say that it would be physically difficult for me to perform on myself without the aid of a long crowbar.

Yeah… nice brotherhood, Hoffa.

Well Craig, I hope that this has helped you provide a valuable service to your contractor customers. Please write again soon.

Before I forget, there is one other thing about contractors.

Since contractors must be licensed by the state, there is usually a list available of license holders freely available to the public. I did a couple of quick searches online and found that although the format varies, in every case I was able to find a list of licensed contractors by state.

The sites are not limited to contractors either. Everywhere I looked, I could find list of every occupation that is state licensed. They list the obvious contractor occupations where you could lop off a finger. They also list other license holders such a beauticians, funeral directors, insurance agents, etc. where you could lop off someone else’s finger.

These are great leads for our sales people. Contractors comprise a major group of advertisers in the Yellow Pages. The trick is finding them.

Use Google.com and search for “Texas state licenses”, or the state you happen to be in. You’ll be directed to your state’s site for license information. If you have trouble finding the information for your area, give Ieszic, Amy or me a call in the Internet department, and we’ll be glad to train your people where to find it.

Here are a couple of things to remember.

Political favors aside, Yellow Pages are the most effective means of business generation for contractors.

Contractors NEED you to help them build their business. Most are not great marketers. They may also need advice on the legal requirements regarding the display of their license in their advertising. Make sure you know the requirements for your area. They’re listed on the sites as well. They vary widely by state.

Users of the Yellow Pages NEED you to provide accurate comprehensive information in these categories to help them make informed decisions about which contractor they will hire.

Contractors don’t sit still, so you’ve got to go out and find them. You will have to go where they are working.

Most contractors don’t have big fancy offices where they meet their clients. That means that the contractor’s image in the Yellow Pages is the image that will be in the consumer’s mind. Make it a high quality image. They’ll get better jobs that way.

Make sure that they list phone numbers that are answered by real people. Unanswered phones don’t close many deals.

I hope that this advice has been worth the price of admission. For his suggestion, Craig is now the proud owner of a hand powered bottle popper.