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Yellow Pages Commando News by Dick Larkin
The ONLY Yellow Pages directory you'll ever need.

August 15, 2005
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-- The ONLY Yellow Pages directory you'll ever need.
-- Ringing Up Profits - Available to the Public
-- Answer to July's Redneck Riddle™
-- Sign of the times
-- My childhood was sheltered
-- Coolest taxi ever
-- This must make Al Gore cry.
-- From the "Loosely Translated Product Name" file.
-- Where Online Marketing gets down to business
-- Caution: Awwwww Alert
-- This Month's Redneck Riddle™
-- Quote of the Week

The ONLY Yellow Pages directory you'll ever need.
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"Why are there so many Yellow Page directories? Which one should I advertise in?"

Bruce is a personal injury and bad faith insurance attorney in San Diego. Our daughters go to school together, so Bruce and I hang out every couple of weeks while our kids OD on sugar at birthday parties.

We usually talk about Yellow Pages. That's lucky for me, because if we talked about insurance law, I'd have to shoot myself.

Bruce is a big Yellow Pages advertiser spending a couple of hundred thousand dollars each year across several directories. Every time we talk, he complains that there are too many directories and he doesn't believe that it is profitable to advertise in all of them.

Last Saturday, he asked his regular, whiny question;

"How should I know which directories to advertise in? They can't all be valuable. Tell me which ones to dump."


The answer I wanted to give him was;

"For God's sake, Bruce. You ask me this question every time I see you. Get a life already."

Instead, I used a colorful analogy.

By the way, colorful analogies are useful for avoiding serious debates when you really want to have a beer and relax.

I told Bruce that he should select Yellow Pages directories to advertise in by using the same process that the Chairman of a major oil company uses when deciding where to drill oil wells.

Bruce said,
"So you're telling me that I should exert political influence to pressure the White House into overthrowing a country that has vast oil reserves while claiming to be acting in the interest of national security?

Then my company can pay unfairly cheap prices for crude oil, jack up the price to American citizens and reap billions in scandalous profits?"


Well Brucester, that's not exactly what I had in mind, but it sounds like you have more pressing issues to deal with than Yellow Pages advertising.

Actually Bruce, I was thinking in basic terms.

First of all, you seem to have this idea that you should only advertise in one directory per year.

We need to challenge that assumption, my friend.

The story continues . . .

Ringing Up Profits - Available to the Public
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This is your last chance to download a complimentary copy of "Ringing Up Profits."

It's the book I wrote that teaches you what you need to know to successfully design ads for the Yellow Pages.

Starting the first of September, the price will be $70.


Download "Ringing up Profits"

Answer to July's Redneck Riddle™
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Buford T. Dingleberry stumbled across something and can't figure out what it's for.

Could you give ol' Buford a clue?


Special thanks to Adam Strange of AdRevamp.com for sending me this Redneck Riddle™.

See the Answer & the Celebrity Winner of Win the Yellow Pages War.

Sign of the times
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Uh, could you be more specific? That describes nearly all of them.

My childhood was sheltered
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Dang, kids parties are way more entertaining than when I was little.

On a more serious topic . . .

Del Snyder of Mobile Illustrated, Inc. sent me some information on how directory salespeople can use spec art to help a business owner "visualize" his ad.

I should point out that I've never used Del's service, and I don't receive a penny from him.

I've included his commentary because he does an excellent job of illustrating this point.

Busy people have very little time to imagine what your product or service can do for them. Regardless of your industry, you will be more successful if you can show your prospect how your product will look rather than expecting him to use his imagination.


The more homework you do preparing for your meeting with a customer, the more likely you will be to close the deal.


Here's an unprepared sales rep's sketch drawn during a fact finding session with a potential advertiser.
Brakes Black and White

Here's a prepared color process spec art specifically designed in advance for the same business.
Brakes Color

See what I mean?

Del Snyder's thoughts on Spec Ads

Coolest taxi ever
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I've compiled a glossary of terms used in the Yellow Pages industry for civilians.

If you have suggestions, please pass them my way.

Glossary of Yellow Pages terms

This must make Al Gore cry.
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"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."

- George W. Bush

In this photo, he probably said, "Dang, these night vision goggles really work."


Do you know the name of Dubya's dog? Take this quiz.


From the "Loosely Translated Product Name" file.
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Now with "Morning Fresh" scent!

If Monty Hall offers you a chance to pick door #2, should you take it?


Where Online Marketing gets down to business
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I just attended the Search Engine Strategies conference and received a heck of an education in the technical aspects of search engine marketing.

The only thing this super geek-fest overlooked was the minor detail that somebody has to actually sell this stuff to local businesses.

The business side of online marketing is the focus of the Kelsey Group's Directory Driven Commerce Conference.

It's September 27-29, 2005 in Denver, Colorado.

It's where the thought leaders of local media gather to chart the future of the Yellow Pages-style marketing. (Hint: it ain't all paper and ink).

If you attend, be sure to look me up. It would be my pleasure to have you buy me a beer.

More about DDC2005


Caution: Awwwww Alert
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Could you two get a room, I need to shave.


This Month's Redneck Riddle™
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Festus told Buford that George Washington, the father of our country, was actually born on February 11 instead of February 22, the date we officially recognize as Washington's birthday.

Buford's third-grade teacher, Ms. Interpretation, confirmed that, despite not having a lick of common sense, Festus was indeed correct on this issue.

So why do we recognize GW's birthday as the 22nd when he was actually born on the 11th?

Email your answer to gw@redneckriddles.com

The winner will receive 15 minutes of uninterrupted fame.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name, and mailing address.

I draw the winner the day before I send the following newsletter, so keep voting until the polls close.

What the heck, I'm feeling generous, so this week I'll also send the winner a copy of the Killer Techniques to Succeed with Newspaper, Magazine and Yellow Pages Advertising by Michael Winicki.

Killer Techniques to Succeed with Newspaper, Magazine and Yellow Pages Advertising (more)


Quote of the Week
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"'Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.'

I'm sorry, what was that last one? 'Don't eat pork. God has spoken.'

Is that the word of God or is that just pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"

- Jon Stewart

Connect with hundreds of professionals in the Yellow Pages industry. Join LinkedIn.
Dick Larkin

Yellow Pages Commando
8344 Clairemont Mesa Blvd
San Diego, CA 92111 USA
Work: 858-614-5425
Email: dick@ypcommando.com
Professional Profile
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Contact Information
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email: news@ypcommando.com
voice: 858-614-5425
web: http://www.YPcommando.com

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I've been bragging about Kerry Randall's book on Yellow Pages Advertising for Lawyers as being simply the best book I've read for Yellow Pages advertisers. The problem was that it was targeted toward lawyers and didn't address other business types.

Wisely, Kerry updated the wonderful tips and marketing plans for any business that advertises in the Yellow Pages.

He sent me a copy for review, and I liked it so much that I bought the exclusive rights to market the electronic version.

His book is loaded with very specific examples and exercises that are easy to follow. I can honestly say that every advertiser (even a guy with a little in-column ad) will benefit by reading this book.

I've seen, and even promoted other very good YP books that sell for $50 - $150, but nothing cuts to the chase like Winning the Yellow Pages War. Kerry focuses on the critical issues that will have the biggest impact. He uses solid examples and shows ads created using his techniques.

I'm selling copies of Winning the Yellow Pages War for only $25.00. That price is far too little for the value the book contains.

However, my mission as the Yellow Pages Commando has always been to help more people be successful with their Yellow Pages advertising rather than to get rich off a few that can afford a higher price.
Make payments withPayPal - it's fast, free and secure!

I'll email the book to you as a PDF document that can be read and printed using the free Adobe Acrobat reader.

I offer a 100% money back guarantee if you are not completely satisfied with your investment. You have nothing to lose.

© 2005 Dick Larkin. All rights reserved.
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